Featured Question
Question: So I'm trying to plan things a little last minute. I put off a bunch of my tasks and am now freaking out a little bit (well, a lot). I'm only 6 months out, can I still get all professional vendors, like a DJ, photographer, videographer?
Answer: You still have plenty of time to get all of your pro vendors in order! It's not the extra time that most of them need, necessarily, it's more about the availability. You'll find at only 6 months out that some of the vendors you initially call will be booked up. Don't lose faith! Keep calling vendors you like, because you're bound to find a vendor for each category who happens to have space on your wedding day! That's why it's important to have more than 1 top pick for each category. With multiple options to call you're less likely to worry about being under the wire.
We're going to the Bahamas for our honeymoon, and it'll literally be my first time ever leaving the country so I've never applied for a passport. How far in advance do I need to apply for it?
Answer: When it comes to applying for your passport, honestly, the sooner the better. The standard processing time, as of today, is 4-6 weeks to get a new passport processed and received. That's pretty standard. If you needed to there's also an expediting option to speed up the whole process (for an additional fee, of course) and that takes about 8 business days currently. Still, to be safe and have peace of mind, order it as soon as possible so it's one less worry on your plate. Also, be sure to apply for it in your maiden name, even if you're taking your husbands name on your wedding day. If all of your documents don't match up, you won't be allowed out of (or worse back into) the country. You can always apply for a name changes on the passport in the future.
I'm really scared that I'm going to get too tired to enjoy my whole reception, let alone the after party that my FH is insisting upon! Any suggestions?
Answer: There are lots of little tricks to help you keep awake, beyond the obvious of energy drinks or coffee (which either can be very unhealthy in large quantities). Be sure to stay hydrated with lots of water and eat lots of fresh healthy foods, frequently. Run cold water on your inner wrists and pat down your face with a cold washcloth wherever you don't need to worry about makeup. Work on a little on your pressure points by rubbing your earlobes or the back of your hand between your thumb and index finger. Get as much natural light during the day as possible, and then absorb all of that fun, upbeat music during the reception!
I have to ask. I know that it's a 'get dressed up and pampered' kind of thing, but is it really worth it get get your hair and makeup professionally done for your wedding? Or should I do it myself and save the money for another detail?
Answer: I agree, getting your hair and makeup done for your wedding day is definitely pampering and soothing. It goes way above and beyond that, though, to give you the perfect wedding day! If it's all about 'saving the money' you really need to compare what it would take for you to come as close as possible to how a professional would make you look. Not only do they make your look fabulous, but they make it stay all day long with professional grade products. Trying to do this on your own, alone, can cost you just as much on products and instruments. On top of that, professionals have been working on perfecting their craft for years in order to master just about any look that you're going for. Lastly, many artists will stick around for at least post-ceremony touch ups necessary for photo-shoots and your reception (if you want them to). Trying to do that yourself on the go can and will be beyond stressful. All in all, you save yourself a lot of time and stress (if not money) by hiring a professional to help keep you wedding day perfect all day long!
How much do I need to spend on favors? Is there an etiquette, or can I just do whatever I like and can afford?
Answer: When it comes to your wedding favors the sky is really the limit. You can spend as much as you'd like or as little as you'd like. You've already thrown together this amazing celebration for everyone to attend, and the favor is just the icing on top of the cake! Whatever you choose to buy, make, or spend is up to you, your fiance, and your budget.
I really don't want my future sister in law in my bridal party. We don't get along very well, and I know she'll be way more opinionated than I can handle on every single decision. Is having your future in laws in your bridal party a requirement?
Answer: It can be hard, on both your future-spouse and yourself, when you don't get along with his or her side of the family; especially siblings. It's not required that you have them in your bridal party, just as it isn't required to have your own siblings in there. It is suggested, though, especially if the relationship is already a little rocky. You don't need to make his sister your MOH and be very upfront with their(her) choices being limited to what you're willing to give them. If you think it's going to be a further detriment to your relationship, though, it probably will be for the best to not ask them to take part. Do whatever works best and be as honest as possible.
I'm starting to freak out a bit about the possibility of getting sick on my wedding day. It seems like everyone's getting sick right now! Is there any sort of 'back up plan' that I can make just in case?
Answer: Getting sick is one of the factors in life that we really have no control over. Yes, you can be sure to get plenty of sleep, wash your hands religiously, and keep away from anyone who's sick, but sometimes those pesky germs slip through anyway! Here are a couple simple tips: 1) for a head cold be sure to keep plenty of non-drowsy decongestants on hand, be sure to check warning labels though for things you can't mix with (i.e. alcohol!!). Stay away from anything with Acetaminophen in it, as it can become toxic if mixed with alcohol, even hours later. 2) for a headache, be sure to keep painkillers available (noting the above) and drink plenty of water. Also be sure to get an extra caffeine kick if it's possibly due to a lack of coffee. 3) for an upset stomach/bathroom issues, be sure to take Imodium A-D, Pepto-Bismol or Kaopectate, and then rinse and repeat as often as needed/recommended.
My best friend/Maid of Honor is planning my bachelorette party and I am worrying a little about the cost. How are they usually covered? Does the thrower pay for the party or does everyone contribute?
Answer: The bachelorette party is hosted with the traditions much like the bachelor party. Everyone who attends (besides the bride and groom) pays a specified amount to cover themselves and their share of the bride/groom. The host may decide to cover decorations, invitations, etc. but generally everything else is split evenly.
Now that I'm almost done planning I'm starting to think about after my wedding day... what do I even do with my dress and bouquet? I have real flowers and intend on keeping both to pass down, or at least for memories. What should I do?
Answer: That's a great question! You certainly want to keep both and don't want to risk trying to DIY your preserving. There are professional companies that will either mail you a prepaid package to ship your bouquet or dress right to them for preservation. They will ship you back a tidy, air-tight and safe item to showcase. There are also many local options (especially for gowns) that you can bring your dress to them, they'll clean and press it, and then preserve it properly for you.
My wedding is only a month away and I'm really starting to worry about the heat. Is there anything I can do to make sure I'm not a hot mess in all of my pictures?
Answer: Congratulations on your wedding being almost here! You can definitely make sure that you stay as perfectly together as you'd like everyone to believe you are! Start by staying hydrated to keep yourself alert and glowing. Dehydration takes a lot out of a person, and it will definitely show! Next, keep blotting papers/wipes on hand at all times to blot away sweat and oil to keep the shine at bay. Baby powder is your friend, keeping delicate areas from perspiring and chaffing. Lastly, whenever possible, head inside or keep to the shade! The cooler you stay the more kept together you'll stay.
I can't decide what to do about wedding entertainment. I have always wanted a wedding band to perform, but my fiance thinks that sounds too old school. Now I don't know if I stick to my guns or just give in and let him pick an awesome DJ. What do you think?
Answer: That is a really hard dilemma, but only because it seems like your hearts are set in two different places! My best suggestion would be to go with the best of both worlds. There are a lot of great companies who offer a little bit of both: a live band that performs with a DJ who'll step in for breaks and any specified times when you want a DJ. Wedding bands are awesome: they're like having a live concert just for your wedding day. Don't give up on the dream if you still want it and it's within your means: add a little bit of both to have your cake and eat it too!
What is the proper etiquette for paying for all of the extra costs for bridal party members? I try to keep everything as minimal as possible, but I've had a couple girls surprised that I didn't offer to pay for their dress, makeup, etc... am I supposed to?!
Answer: Being part of a bridal party is a big commitment; from helping the bride plan her wedding and planning a shower/bachelorette party to paying for all of the little extra costs along the way. It's all part of the bridal party responsibility. It is not your responsibility to pay for your bridal parties wedding day wardrobe, but it is best when you keep the cost as minimal as possible (which is sounds like you're already doing).
I have a bit of a predicament. I have made it clear to my guests that I want absolutely no children at my wedding. Just across the board, to keep it fair. Well my future sister in law now insists she bring her 2 year old to the wedding or she isn't coming. What should I do?!
Answer: Very honestly you already know what's best. You made it very clear that you didn't want children at the wedding, and if you let one come (no matter how close the relation) you need to let them all. Your best bet is to possibly ferret out the reason why your future niece or nephew absolutely needs to come: is there a lack of babysitters available or do they just want their little one to be center stage? If it's the prior, maybe you can help your FIL find good arrangements for the little one, possibly splitting a room at a near by hotel and having a close friend take the nanny shift? If it's the latter all you can do is stick to your guns. It's not fair to the rest of your guests and this is your wedding, not hers. We can only hope that she will see the light and realize that it's about your wishes on your wedding day.
I really want to have a unique wedding, but am driving myself crazy trying to DIY. I feel like I'm spending more time and money don't it myself than I would having a professional do it. What do you suggest?
Answer: I am a big fan of adding DIY touches to your special day...but as exactly that, touches. As you're figuring out, it's a lot, a lot of work trying to do absolutely everything yourself. I would suggest adding the projects that you love and having local professionals create the rest: that way you have the DIY effect that shows how much love you put into your planning AND you support local small businesses (while cutting your stress and workload in half).
We have a couple close friends that still tend to be party animals. My fiance is including one in his groomsmen, even. How do we make sure that they don't get too rowdy?
Answer: Well, first know that ultimately you can only do your best but you can't make absolutely certain of anything...once you can do that you'll let a lot of pressure off of your shoulders. You can, however, have a plan of action incase chaos does occur. For your groomsman, your fiancé’s best bet it to 'lay down the law' so to speak to ALL of his groomsmen. This will hopefully get through to the partier that this isn't an appropriate 'go crazy' time, without singling him out. For your other friends with wild streaks, have one of your trusted bridesmaids in on a plan with you: if you get worried about an individual that seems like they're partying a little too hard have that bridesmaid nonchalantly work their way over to the friend and assist them or give them a little bit of a heads up. You'll have help to keep you from stressing and all should remain peaceful!
Me and my fiancé are getting married in june on fire island. Are we allowed to have a beach wedding with a wedding officiate of our own or do we need permission to use the beach?
Answer: You should absolutely check with the city or town hall before moving any further into your wedding plans. Many towns require you to have a special event permit to utilize the beach for a private party. If you need one, and don't get one, you may find yourself kicked off the beach or with a hefty fine on your special day!
I am trying to decide between real and faux flowers for my bouquets and boutonnieres. I really don't want to use faux flowers, but I'm worried about the flowers not lasting through my summer wedding. What do you think I should do?
Answer: It's true, our hot and unpredictable weather can do a number on even the toughest blossoms. You don't need to settle for faux, though, if your heart isn't into it. Faux flowers can be absolutely stunning, but aren't the real thing. Your best bet is to meet with your favorite florist and discuss your best local, seasonal options. When you pick flowers that are native to our climate they're much more likely to withstand the test. Also, be sure to have plenty of vases and water to keep your bouquets and boutonnieres quenched when they're not in use!
What is the etiquette for inviting out of town guests with children to a wedding? I strongly oppose having children at our wedding, except for nieces and nephews, which are all in the wedding party. My fiancé feels that we have to invite out of town guests with children because they will have no one to watch their children. If I make that exception for one, I will have to do it for all.
Answer: You absolutely should stick to your guns with 'all or none' when it comes to children at your wedding. Invite those important out of town guests, and just be sure to give them a means of childcare (if they don't already have one). You may find that you will even want to send your nieces and nephews back to the hotel for the reception (once they've completed their part in your ceremony). If this is the case, and with the case of out of town guests, you may want to recruit the assistance of a couple of babysitters to create an impromptu daycare. You can reserve a room or utilize a close by friend or family member's home and set up crafts and activities to entertain them while their parents are away. Just be sure to have enough caregivers to take care of the amount of children attending. If you do decide to make the exception and allow the children to come to your reception, your best bet is to still set up an area especially for them, with crayons, coloring books, and even blank table cloths for them to create wedding works of art!
What are the rules of etiquette about co-ed bachelor and bachelorette parties? I want to be able to keep an eye on my fiance so I can enjoy myself. My FH and his best man don't want to/agree. Am I wrong?
Answer: Here is where tradition and modern weddings can start to clash with one another. Traditionally, the bachelor and bachelorette party are meant to be separate to give you a last 'hurrah' as singles before you get married. Some modern couples do decide to have one, large joint party, especially if they're going for a getaway party (say to Vegas or Ocean City). The important part, though, is that both sides need to agree to a joint party, or no one will enjoy themselves. If your FH doesn't want to, and the main reason you want to is just to 'keep an eye' on him, than I have to agree and say that sticking with tradition is best.
So I am stressing out about my bridal party. I have a lot of friends and close acquaintances, but I was really looking to keep my bridal party small...like tiny, I mean a maid of honor and maybe 1 or 2 bridesmaids, if that. How can I keep my party that small without any hurt feelings?
Answer: The most important thing to keep in mind in these circumstances is that this is your wedding. Sure, you want everyone to enjoy and celebrate with you, but it is ultimately your day. If you want a tiny bridal party, that's your right. Heck, if you don't want any bridal party, that's your choice to make. To keep peace with all of your friends/family members/acquaintances, your best bet is to be 100% honest. The women in your life will respect your choices and feel less slighted if they're kept in the loop. You can always still keep them included in the planning, shopping, and choice making if you'd like them to feel involved, but there's no need to make everyone a maid. Save that distinction for the absolute most important person in your life (maybe your sister, cousin, best friend, etc.)
